My New License Plate Came Today
Just wanted to share with you all the excitement 
PS: Please don’t use this to stalk me.
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5 Reasons ‘666 Park Avenue’ is Actually ‘Lost Part II’
5) The Alpert/Alpern Effect
In Lost…
Any viewer of Lost will tell you that at no less than 346 points, did Terry O’Quinn’s character, John Locke, go head to head with the island’s advisor, Richard Alpert. Alpert had something Locke wanted, and for the sake of not spoiling the fuck out of it for any cave-dwelling, microorganisms who haven’t actually seen Lost yet, I’ll leave it at that.
Seen here: The Alper-something’s
But In 666 Park Avenue…
Terry O’Quinn’s new character in 666 Park Avenue, Gavin Doran, wants something from somebody else… the ALPERN Company. Immediately, some of you may write this off as just a coincidence, until you consider, how common is the name Alpert OR Alpern? Seriously, name 1 person in your life you’ve ever met with the name Alpert or Alpern. It’s not going to happen. So what is it with Terry O’Quinn and the sound of “alper__” that he wants so bad?
2) Hotels are game changers
In Lost…
Again, we’re going to focus on Terry O’Quinn’s character for this one (and at least one more later). In Lost, John Locke was thrown out of a window from a hotel room that caused him to become paralyzed from the waste down. This life changing event is what pushed him to go on a walk-about in Australia and was the entire reason his character was on the plane that crashed in the island. If it weren’t for the hotel, John Locke would never have existed in Lost as he was.
“Windows has been permanently Locked. Hahahah.. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh”
But in 666 Park Avenue…
Gavin Doran has a real rags-to-riches success story that also made him the man he is today. He bought and flipped his very first investment at 999 Park Avenue which is, yup… a hotel! That’s twice in Terry O’Quinn’s fictitious life that a hotel has been responsible for making the man. OK, semantics time.. yes, the hotels themselves aren’t directly responsible for molding these men because, you see, hotels are inanimate objects incapable of making choices, decisions and carrying out day to day activities. But that fact that it was a hotel in both cases is cause for concern.
3) Smoke Alarms Going Off…
In Lost…
I don’t think we’ll be making any earth-shattering spoilers here is we talk about The Smoke Monster from Lost, and if you haven’t seen it yet, well… there’s a smoke monster. There. I’ve said it. It’s out there now, so let’s deal with it.
In Lost, John Locke has a very specific, and ultimately cooperative relationship with the smoke Monster.
“Sir, this is a non-smoking establishment. Haha, just kidding. Excuse me while I shit my pants.”
But in 666 Park Avenue…
Smokey’s back and living in a fucking suitcase. Apparently. A suitcase, which he no doubt stowed himself away in while escaping the island from Lost. Granted, we don’t know what Gavin Doran’s relationship with this particular smoke monster is, but we can all assume it’s not an entirely unfriendly one.
2) Henry & Jack Just Might Be Brothers
In Lost…
Matthew Fox plays Jack Shephard, a well-to-do, successful, well-built, dark haired man, and one of the main characters in Lost. He is also John Locke’s best friend/mortal enemy and is constantly being manipulated by Locke. These two have the Ross and Rachel relationship of nightmares. They’re best friends at the beginning, but once the seeds of mistrust are planted, the 2 quickly become torn. While torn, however, the 2 need each other as a balance between good and evil and manage a somewhat civil relationship.
But in 666 Park Avenue…
Dave Annable plays Henry Martin, a well-to-do, successful, well-built, dark haired man, and one of the main characters in 666 Park Avenue. He is also Gavin Doran’s best friend/mortal enemy and is constantly being manipulated by Gavin. These two have the Ross and Rachel relationship of nightmares. They’re best friends at the beginning, but once the seeds of mistrust are planted, the 2 quickly become torn. While torn, however, the 2 need each other as a balance between good and evil and manage a somewhat civil relationship.
Not to mention, the two do share a shockingly similar appearance.
1) Crazy, Scarred, Murderous Russians Are a Totally Common Thing
In Lost…
About halfway through Lost, we were introduced to Mikhail, a crazy Russian spy with a hideous facial scar hiding in isolation on the island.
“You American’s think all of us Russians look alike. Now where is the vodka?”
But in 666 Park Avenue…
We’re also introduced to someone TOTALLY different. A crazy Russian spy with a hideous facial scar hiding in isolation in CANADA.
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DailySteals.com’s Shameful Business Practice…
DailySteals.com is a website that offers a small number of “daily deals” for a pretty decent discount.
Today while perusing the site, I couldn’t help but notice they were selling a 2-Pack of SanDisk Cruzer 4GB Flash Drives for $6.99. My immediate thought was “who the hell still uses a 4GB flash drive??” Then I saw the price…
DailySteals was claiming that a 2-Pack of SanDisk Cruzer 4GB Flash Drives normally sells for $79.99 when in actuality, the same flash drive individually sells for between $5 and $9, which would make a 2-pack betwen $10 and $18*.
However, DailySteals.com has made it a common practice for some time now to “pad” the claimed list price in order to make it appear as though they’re offering a much larger discount. Lots of sites tack on maybe 10% to the “original price”. This is pretty common, and most of us just accept this for what it’s worth. But this… instead of adding 10%, they went and upped the claimed price to nearly 10 TIMES* the original price!
Why am I making such a big deal about this? What if some poor sap who knows nothing about this kind of technology wanders in thinking he’s getting a great deal, while he’s actually being ripped off! That is why everyone who reads this, needs to SHARE THIS INFO AND PICTURE! This type of business practice is both SHAMEFUL and IMMORAL!!! Here’s a screenshot to prove I’m not crazy:
*EDIT DailySteals recently wrote me back after I informed them of my intentions to share this information. Their email to me was a follows:
Thank you for contacting us! This price is the MSRP price. Please let us know if you have any other questions or concerns!
Thank You,
Whitley
The DailySteals Team
After reading this, I immediately check SanDisk’s official website to check. While SanDisk IS indeed selling them for QUITE a bit more than the $5-$10 you can get them anywhere else ($19.99 each), they’re still nowhere NEAR the $79.99 mark, as you can clearly see for yourself here.
Your move, DailySteals.
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2010 SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS
SomewhatDamaged.net is glad to bring you it’s yearly tradition of posting all of this year’s Super Bowl commercials, brought to you by SpikeTV!
To see the video’s in full screen mode, click the square icon in the bottom right-hand corner of the media player. ENJOY!!!
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3 Simple Things Ruined Because People Are Stupid
Remember in grade school (or for some of you, boot camp) when one kid acted up and the whole class had to pay the consequences? It would seem, as many of you already know, that that trend doesn’t end with our teens. Law suits, legal action, court orders, and just plain bitching have taken simple little things and made a huge shit pile out of it. Things like….
1) Silica Gel Packs Labeled Poison
Pop quiz… what would happen if you defied all social logic and decided to pop one of those silica gels you find inside electronic’s boxes in your mouth and chase it with a tall cold one?
Answer… nothing. Sorry if you were expecting a different result.
Answer…. not this.
The grains of what looks like clear caviar in the tiny packets are a desiccant. That is, they absorb moisture. You find them in food products that will have a longer shelf life if they stay dry. That could include pepperoni, dried nuts and fruits, or vitamins. In other words… YOU ALREADY EAT THEM. Sorta.
So why the big deal about NOT eating them? Well the most important thing is because you might choke on the bag. If you’re slapping yourself in the forehead right now, it’s ok. If not… take a minute to let that sink in. So next time you feel like showing off, tear one open and go nuts.
See the rest of this entry…
Topics: Blog | 2 Comments »
Pixels!
A seriously awesome short in which New York City is attacked by pixels and first-generation video game characters.
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Who’s In Your Top Five List?
I got a lot of the same chicks on my list, man.
Topics: Funny Videos | 1 Comment »
Florida State Senator Surfs Porn During Debate
Finally! Something we can all get behind… pornographic images of possibly underage girls!
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A Guide To Advertising Like Every Other Company Ever
Have you ever caught yourself being able to predict what a commercial is going to say before they say it, even if you’ve never heard it before?
You’re not alone. Let’s face it… marketing techniques have become more and more mundane and repetitive as the typical consumer become lazier and more predictable. Simply slapping a word like or “American” doesn’t give credibility to shows like American Pickers, but who among us would have even tuned in for episode one if it were called Garbage Pickers? That’s what it is though. Just a couple of garbage pickers. What’s next, American Abortionist?
See the rest of this entry…
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The Final Episode of LOST Has Crushed My Spirit
Well, last night was the say I had been dreading for the last 6 years of my life… LOST came to an end. It is no more, and I guess I just need to come to terms with that, accept it and move on. I’ve been blessed, really, as many of you have as well to have been lucky enough to be able to enjoy a show like LOST for as long as I did, and that it never failed to entertain. Not for one single episode.
And I love how, even with all the millions of fan theories floating around, the writers were still able to throw us a curveball at the end that (let’s be honest) nobody had predicted. Some came close when theorizing that they were all dead while on the island, and that the island were some sort of purgatory. Lo and behold, the Flash-Sideways Timeline was the purgatory the whole time. Even the most clownshit insane Lost conspiracy theorist didn’t see that coming.
See the rest of this entry…
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A Review of Kendra Wilkinson’s Sex Tape
I want to make two immediate points about this video before I get into this with any more detail. First off, don’t waste your money buying it, and secondly (and much more likely) don’t even waste your time downloading it.
Another warning that I think should be stamped all over the outside of the DVD like a Surgeon General’s Label is that this isn’t 2010 Kendra with the sexy eyes, full-bodied hair and amazing fake tits that we know from ‘The Girls Next Door’. No no nooo… this is 2003 “training bra” Kendra! Complete with her trailer trash, scraggly hair and desperately-in-need-of-Proactive-but-it-hasn’t-been-invented-yet face.
And the ass of a 73 year old truck driver…
OK, so Fugly Kendra is not what we were hoping for. Surely there must be hope for the lady’s being that Kendra Wilkinson would only sleep with the studliest of studs, right? If you thought so, you’re not very good at picking up on painfully obvious foreshadowing…
Kendra decided to film her agonizing “star” debut with that creepy neighbor type guy (hereafter referred to as Shrek) who mows his lawn with his shirt off, effectively slaying the sex drives of every innocent heterosexual within sight. Shrek’s basically this oaffy, over-weight ginger freak who normally couldn’t score a girl half as hot as Kendra Wilkinson if it were arranged by the Make-a-Wish foundation. How these two got hooked up, and what she was doing at the comic book convention they undoubtedly met at, is beyond me.
He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does… it’s Dos Equis.
The production doesn’t give all the other flaws anything to fall back on, either. It basically has all the makings of your average bargain-bin Logitech webcam production and awkward sexual misdirection you would expect from two high-school kids savagely fondling each other in the back seat of a school bus. There’s one point, about half-way through, where Shrek is climbing all over Kendra like a fat man smothering a puppy, where you can see (and vaguely hear) her telling him he’s doing it wrong. Then she starts pointing all over the place like she’s a fucking conductor for the London Philharmonic.
Even the opening credits give a glimpse into the haunting disappointment you’re about to experience when it claims that “the sexual situations in the following adult feature are shown for entertainment and informational purposes“. Yes, thank you for informing me I’m watching a moderately attractive chick (by 90′s standards) getting nailed by the guy who sells shoes at the flea market. It then goes on to preach safe sex and the use of condoms, mere minutes before showing Shrek bare-backin’ it with a walking sack of STD’s.
All in all, I give it two thumbs down. Three if you count my now even more-so flaccid penis.
Breakdown:
-
Stars – Nothing you’d look twice at.
Lighting – About that of an emergency stairwell.
Production – Piss poor
Use of hand over camera lens – Excellent
Awkward angles – Fair
Motion sickness – Guaranteed
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A Beginners Guide To Owning a Harley
So you’ve scrimped and saved for years and years and now’s the time to strike. You’re gonna go out an buy that Harley you’ve you’ve told all your ex-girlfriends about, but none ever really believe you actually would. Well you’re gonna show them! But hold it there, Bones… there are a few things you’re gonna need first.
1) The Lifestyle
First and foremost, you need to keep in mind that when you buy a Harley, you’re not just buying a motorcycle. I suggest going down to your local dive bar about noon and do your research. As any 63 year old biker will tell you… you’re adopting a lifestyle. He’ll most likely then call you a wannabe pussy bitch and break a pool cue over your head, but the message is all the same: No Harley owner just owns a bike. You will need to spend the remainder of your life surrounding yourself with Harley Davidson T-shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs, blankets, hats, coasters, door mats, condoms, keychains, mailboxes, picture frames and a pilot to skywrite a custom message in the sky letting the world know you own a Harley.
This is also acceptable.
Basically you will need to envelope every ounce of your being and somehow relate that to Harley Davidson so that there is zero chance anyone you meet could possibly be less than certain you love Harleys. And you BETTER have a Harley tattoo, you wannabe pussy bitch.
See the rest of this entry…
Topics: Blog | 6 Comments »
5 Activities That Will Soon Be Illegal
You don’t have to be 85 years old to tell some good ol’ back-in-the-day stories. Many of us still remember the days of yore when talking on your cell phone while driving wasn’t a big deal. Now a days, get busted checking your voicemail and you’ll land your ass a 6 week vacation in Guantanamo Bay.
Little convenience like this were taken for granted until they were taken away from us, also referred to as the day the world threw their arms up in the air in the largest collective “what the fuck happened?” ever recorded. So heed my sage advice, and enjoy a few more of these little things that will soon be raped from our world. Things like:
See the rest of this entry…
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Advantage: Cops
This afternoon I was waiting at a weigh station for inspection and I got to chatting it up with the State Patrol Officer there. We were talking about nonsense for a while when I asked him how fast his cruiser could go. After a second he replies “I’ve got it up to about 130mph.”
A HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILES PER FUCKING HOUR!!! How the fuck am I supposed to out run that in my little 4 cyclinder pickup truck which tops out at about 85?!? And that’s going downhill with a moderate tailwind. Here I am throwing shit out the window trying to lighten my load and gain a few extra precious miles per hour, and meanwhile he’s chillin’ back there with the A/C on listening to his favorite jazz tunes. And he’s cocky about it, too as if HE’S awesome cuz his work vehicle THAT I PAID FOR goes fast.
What?!? It’s called an AC Suit, citizen.
First off; fuck you. It’s not your car. You didn’t soup it up and make it awesome. The tax payers did. Secondly, I didn’t pay those tax dollars to make it easier for you to give me a $120 ticket.
Here’s what I’m thinking… divide the police cars into two categories: Emergency response and traffic. Keep the emergency response cars the way they are and let’s make a few modifications to the traffic ones. I’m thinking they should be mandated to run on no more than a quarter-tank of gas. Also, they have to run on one spare tire at all times. Oh, and they should be towing an 11 foot CrisCraft Speedboat on a flimsy trailer. We need to level the playing field here. 130mph. For fuck’s sake.
Let’s take it a step further, actually. Rip the roof off dat sucka, Smokey and The Bandit Style. Let’s see how 80mph feels then with your Little Debbie snack cakes flying everywhere, coffee spilling on everything and your little gay tie that keeps flapping up and hittin’ ya in the face. High speed chases would be way more interesting and fun for everyone involved, and that’s what it’s really about people. It’s about having good, clean, innocent fun at the expense of the police officer’s safety.
Hell, maybe we could even make a televised sport out of it. I don’t know about you, but I’d pay top dollar to watch some fat cop trying to hold his stupid little hat on his fat head flying down the highway with his cheeks flapping around like some twisted 1970′s wind tunnel experiment, which is a totally uninspired idea I came up with completely on my own.
FML….
With ideas like this, I should be doing less truck driving and more presidenting.
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Loshat Vakiashet
Okay, so I know I have been a slacker. It has been a better part of a year since I have written anything. Well, suck it. I have a 9 month old son and my husband is deployed to the Middle East. Therefore, I have been exhausted, tired, overly bitchy, hormonal, to top it off- sex deprived! (Maybe that latter is the reason for most of the former? And no, I no longer have the vagina of a mule- see below) Yet I digress… as for now- I’M BAAAAAACCCCK!
I now have a new respect and appreciation for mothers, who actually behave like mother’s and don’t smoke crack or abuse their children, everywhere. Having a baby is hellish. Not only do you end up with a body that looks like a road atlas, a horse vagina, and huge black circles under your eyes and puffy appendages, you become a hormonal lunatic who fantasizes about drowning yourself in the bathtub. Well, at least that was me.
I don’t think I will ever understand these freaks of nature that have pregnancy fetishes. Why in the FUCK would you want to have sex with a woman who is not your wife that has horrible gas, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, cankles, and serious hormonal mood swings? Oooh, how sexy…. Let me go down on you while you fart in my face. (Yes people, you do get gas when you are pregnant.)
The other thing, why do random people feel the need to give you unsolicited advice while you are pregnant? I am not just talking about the sweet old lady that is being guided across the street by the boy scouts. I am talking about men who have teenage children. One time, I was standing at my favorite Japanese Ramen establishment, and this man started talking to me about using the Ferber method for sleep training my baby. Dude, I am still trying to grasp the fact that this human being has to come out of my pussy. Then there is my favorite one of all time, ‘You really should have a natural birth.’ Oh really? How about fuck you? Are you going to give birth for me and have a human stretch our your insides and vagina? Oh, that isn’t possible? Well, having a natural birth isn’t intelligent…bitch.
See the rest of this entry…
Topics: The Truth About Women | 2 Comments »
Justin Bieber Hit in The Head With Water Bottle
It’s a great start, but next time make it a flaming, spiked anvil.
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Funniest Airbag Toss Ever!
When people willingly sit on exploding airbags it ALWAYS makes for good LuLz… this one however might be the best one yet!
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More WTF Nonsense
As a society who base our entire social, religious and sex lives based on what we see and hear through either TV or the internet, it comes as no shock that a lot of the shocking and morally questionable material we see and hear these days tends to go unnoticed. Then there’s the really weird/creepy shit that also goes unnoticed.
For example…
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Where the Fuck Have I Been??
Yeah, I read your emails and comments.
To be honest with you, I just sorta gave up on SD for a while. There was a lot of shit going on in my life (losing my house and one of my dogs) when my ex-lover (bitch whore Colleen) decided we weren’t ready for marriage (thank GOD!). After politely moving out (leaving dead fish in places even termites won’t find) the website just began getting neglected.
WE NO MORE, FUCK-O’s! Let’s get back into things. Our buddy Richard is starting a new project I’m excited to get behind too, so watch out for that.
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Dumb Leap Year Bitch: A Breakdown For Other Dumb Bitches
It doesn’t happen often, but every once in a while, something pops up on the internet that makes my blood absolutely boil with the red hot firey passion of Peggy Bundy’s bush. On fire.
Lately the dumb bitch who doesn’t understand leap year video that’s been going around (see the link) is the latest one. Never in my life have I wanted to slap a 14 year old girl so badly in a non-sexual way, though I would pay for the opportunity all the same.
“OK so tomorrow’s leap year and I don’t get what leap year is”
A leap year is a year containing an extra day. It has 366 days instead of the normal 365 days. However, it seems you already know that since in about 8 seconds, you’re going to start bitching and moaning about how stupid it is to add an extra day to February. Sounds to me like you have a pretty good understanding of what a leap year is. Your parent’s seriously should have considered abortion.
“I’m like how old are you turning? She’s like 5. I’m like BITCH
why the fuck you in high school if you’re turning 5?”
The better question here is how the fuck did you make it all the way to high school if you honestly believe someone who is clearly a teenager is only 5 years old just because they say so? This to me implies you will believe anything you’re told. Which is made even more obvious because that would mean she’s actually 20 years old. (5 leap years X 4 years = 20 years old).
To help explain this to you, I have provided 2 pictures below. One is of a typical 5 year old girl, and the other is a girl approximately your age. See if you can guess which one is in high school:
Now young lady, can you spot the high schooler? You may notice one is significantly taller, more defined and has generally larger features than the other, such as head, arms, legs and torso. The answer is the one on the right. This is assuming you know the difference between left and right. The other is of a girl who is literally 5 years old. Take notes and let’s move on.
“What frickin’ scientist came up with the days of the month?
Like Oh, let’s add an extra day of the month!”
While I agree with you that YOU could have without a doubt done a better job of tracking earth’s rotation around the sun and it’s subtle inconsistencies, it’s easy to assume some frickin’ scientists simply added an extra day to February every 4 years for the sole purpose of fucking with you in hopes of one day getting it mentioned on YouTube by some brat who was without question the last of her stupid cunt friends to get her period.
The REAL answer, however, is more along the lines of necessary and other stupid words like “factual” and “scientific”. (I know, RIGHT?!?). Recording time was invented by the frickin’ Egyptians and then the frickin’ Romans. However, I think you’re really looking to blame that sneaky, son of a bitch Pope Gregory (inventor od the Gregorian calendar).
*Note: you forgot to blame the “frickin’ earth” for not taking EXACTLY 365 days to complete it’s orbit. Gaaawwddd… you’re so right. People are so dumb!
“Like why can’t we add an extra day to April and give me two birthdays?”
Because (and this is according to your standards of reasoning) then you would live twice as long. We’re all kind of banding together for the opposite effect here, sweety. Also, your boyfriend likes your best friend and passes her love letters all day and your father keeps a loaded handgun in a shoebox on the top shelf in his closet. No one would blame you, and you’d REALLY show them! How do I know? Because no father can have a daughter as mentally retarded as you are without seriously contemplating either suicide or a mercy killing at least once a year.
“Why does February even have 28 days?”
Every month has 28 days. BOOYAH!
“Did the fuckin’ guy who made the months, was he on drugs? Like ‘duh I forgot to
add 30 and 31′. Like I don’t… WHAT THE FUCK?!?”
That’s a good point… and now that I think about it, the fact that February only has 28 days is totally something worth losing your shit over! GOD! THAT MAKES ME SO MAD!!!! Fucking faggoty nigger scientist cunts!
“This is what society’s come to!”
This? Is what it’s come to?? You’re implying that things were fine, but shitty fucking society is to blame for a naturally occurring phenomenon regarding our movement through time and space? I hate to state the obvious here, but this video is what our educational system has come to! You think you sound smart blaming something you haven’t even the slightest comprehension of on something else you don’t have the slightest comprehension of using a phrase you have no comprehension of?
Of the whole video, this is my favorite line. I would love… LOVE to hear her opinion’s on what went wrong with society that hordes of intelligent, well spoken men gathered and said “Well guys… society’s fucked. Guess we better add an extra day to February every 4 years” and the other intelligent, well spoken men at the table shouted “HUZZAH! THAT’S GENIUS!” Then a vote was taken, bills were passed and gentlemen in expensive suits all slapped each other on the backs claiming victory over society’s malevolent ways.
In closing: Isn’t Googling something, or at least taking the 5 minutes to research something you don’t understand a lot easier than making a complete fucking asshole of yourself in front of millions of people? Take a look around you, young lady. All these people publicly bashing you for being such a moron… this is your legacy. This is what you have left of your name. This is what you and your family will be remembered for for years to come.
No one agrees with you. NO ONE. Ever! Everyone is ashamed of you… especially your parents.
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Do Not Sell to ligia25alvarez on eBay… And Here’s Why
Recently, I had the misfortune of dealing with the world’s most impossible eBay user, ligia25alvarez. Below is a thread of our back and forth conversation demonstrating how clearly I tried to explain policies to her, my attempts to be civil, understanding and apologetic (I actually apologized that the item wasn’t late) and even offered a partial refund just to shut her up, but that was not enough. This buyer was clearly uneducated, did not understand eBay policies, did not understand USPS shipping procedures, and did not read the ad… yet somehow made me out to be a lousy seller.
On December 9th, ligia25alvarez purchased a Numark DJ2Go Controller from me on eBay for $30. The estimated shipping is USPS First Class Package: 6-10 business days for delivery. Handling time is 2 business days. Estimated delivery is December 27th.
On December 19th (6 business days after shipping) I receive a notice that the buyer has opened an “Item Not Received” case against me. The buyer claims in the case that she has contacted me and I have not responded… she never contacted me, and when I called her to work the problem out, she informed me that she had to lie about contacting me, otherwise eBay would not allow her to open the case.) The following message was included with the case.
ligia25alvarez: “I have not received my item and its a xmas gift. Where is it? I need it by chrismas , highley dissapointed on this purchase.”
OK real nice. The item has only been in the mail system for 6 days during the holiday system, and she’s “highly dissapointed” that is hasn’t arrived, as if it’s MY fault USPS is backed up at Christmas time. I nicely tell her the item isn’t late and I will keep in touch with her to make sure she receives in on time.
On December 20th (7 business days after shipping) I contacted ligia25alvarez, “Have you received the Numark controller yet?” and she replies “No, I have not”. That’s fine. It’s still on time and not late. But I decide to write back and reassure her anyway.
Me: That’s the holidays for ya. Don’t sweat it, I’m sure it will be there very soon and in time for Christmas.
… to which replies “I hope so”.
8 business days after shipping I write to her “Hey… Did the package show up today?” to which she replies again, “No [it] did not”. That’s fine. Still not late. Later that night I try to be friendly with her again and reassure her that the mail is slow on the holidays.
Me: I sent something to a friend in Philadelphia the same day I sent your package out too and it just got there today! And Philly is only a couple hours from my house! I feel bad your package has been holed up so long.
And she fires back with “well idk [I] am dissapointed , this was a gift for my son.”
Like it’s MY fault! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Find the USPS truck the package is on, hijack it and deliver it myself? Unbelievable.
Still, I keep my cool and respond to her:
Me: I understand, but there’s nothing more I can do about it… its in UPS’s hands now. I shipped it out right after you paid for it.
Pretty diplomatic, I think. Her reply? “all i hope is i do get it. I have baught things on ebay before and never took this long”
Really?? She’s NEVER had anything take more than 8 days to be delivered during the holiday season? Well that’s because her profile indicates she’s only ever made TWO purchases on eBay, so suffice it to say, this buyer is a less than experienced member of the community.
Now I’m getting pissed, but I STILL make an effort to make her happy. I clearly explain how and why the item is NOT late and then offer to give her some money back just to be a nice guy.
Me: The item was advertised on the listing as shipped via USPS first class package which can take, on average, up to 10 business days shipping.
You ordered the item on December 9th and I shipped it out within the promised 2 handling days on the 11th. This would put the 10th BUSINESS day on December 26th (or the 27th if they count Christmas Eve as a holiday).
Now I’m sorry if it doesn’t arrive sooner, really I am, but if it doesn’t arrive before Christmas it is not mine, nor USPS’s fault.
However… in a last attempt to be civil and helpful, I will offer a partial refund if it does arrive after Christmas, even though it is still technically not late, granted you leave positive feedback.
Her initial response seemed like we might be getting somewhere when she said “Thats fine i didnt get it on yesturdays mail.” But then all hell broke back out again when she asked “I have one question does that come with a cd for the softwear?”.
Umm… no. And she should already know that because I wrote in the ad that all that was included was the controller and a USB cable for it, then spelled out that the software is NOT included. Here’s a screen capture from the ad.
And just in case she missed that, here it is again in another part of the ad:
There ya have it. TWICE. It doesn’t get any clearer than that. Does anyone see anything in there that indicates I’m going to include free DJing software? Because I sure don’t!
Somehow I STILL keep my cool and respond very calmly to her. I simply said “No… The CD that came with it is outdated. The new software you need is available for free online at www.virtualdj.com.”
That should have solved that problem. NOPE!
She writes back!
ligia25alvarez: I need the virtual dj le lightsoft ware that comes with it, My son states that once we receive the product if it doesnt come with it wont be any good. He says he reaserched the website n only allows 10 mins .
Well lady… that’s great that you need that software, but how is that my problem? When I bought speakerstands for my DJing business, I sure as hell didn’t complain to the seller that they didn’t include the speakers!
And for the record, her son is full of shit. The Numark DJ2Go controller is a universal controller as (you guessed it) I clearly stated in the ad. Look, I can prove it!
Damn… seems pretty obvious to me that this person did not read the ad AT ALL!!!
But I digress, I wrote back explaining “The ad I posted does not state any software included with the controller. It says "INCLUDES: DJ2GO Controller, USB Cable".
Then she comes back with the mother of all responses:
ligia25alvarez: I c, Thats messed up you would keep something that comes with it, all i hope is that i do receive it.
Hear that? It’s “messed up” that I’m not including outdated software that I CLEARLY said TWICE in the ad was not included ! What’s more is I actually went out of my way to tell her where she can get the new version of the software for free! But according to this woman, I’m messed up.
That’s it! I have had enough of her at this point. I have gone far out of my way to help this woman, be understanding, guiding, reassuring, patient and generous enough to offer her a partial refund… but that’s not enough for this woman’s whopping $30 purchase. Nooo, she wants the world!
Me: ”I’m not keeping it. Its outdated. This is more of a hassle than its worth. When it arrives, just send it back and I will refund your money. You clearly didn’t read the ad before you purchased the item.
Ya hear that people? I offered to accept her return even though her item was sent exactly as it was listed.
Ya ready for this? Ya sure you’re ready for this?? Oooooookay…. here’s her response.
ligia25alvarez: Well if thats ur attitude once i receive it i will gladly sent it back
IF THAT’S YOUR ATTITUDE?? I have spared no expense in trying to make this woman happy and when I’ve finally had too much to stand, I offer to buy the item back off of her and apparently I have an "attitude”. That’s just amazing.
Oh, and to date, the item is STILL not late. Let this be a lesson to everyone. Watch who you sell to on eBay!
You can tell by this woman’s spelling that she is obviously not very well educated, does not read policies, does not understand what 6-10 business days means, expects included items that are clearly labeled as “not included”, and is ungrateful to someone who goes above and beyond to buy the item back off her anyway.
I should sue this woman when I inevitably develop a brain aneurism.
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Beginning the “Get Big Like Bane” Workout
Recently I ordered a $200 plain black Bane mask from Gotham City FX since I intend on being Bane for Halloween this year.
Here’s a picture of how it comes shipped…
And at that price, for the next 10 years.
Anyway… I decided to take it a step further and decided to bulk up the upper body (delts, traps, shoulders and chest) and while doing a minimal amount of research, I actually found a workout regime called Get Big Like Bane which is perfect for people like me, who are looking for that powerhouse, pant-shitting intimidation look of Bane.
I went out today and bought all new weights, barbells, dumbells, 100% Whey Protein and fish oil from GNC, then called a buddy of mine for proper dieting techniques and got to work.
I’ll be posting updates as time goes by. In the meantime for the sake of comparison down the road, and to show you the finished product all at once, here’s a picture of me yesterday wearing the completed Bane mask. If anyone has any questions, or is looking for tips on how I got my mask to look as awesome as it does, email me – Admin@SomewhatDamaged.net
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Mick Penissi’s Hilarious Delayed Reaction
So I’m guessing this was supposed to be a staged thing or whatever. I don’t really know, but what I do know are two things. This dude has the word ‘penis’ in his name, and it’s hilarious.
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Gandalf Longboarding
I think this guy’s impression of Gandalf is actually the best part of this 12 second clip. Pretty funny though, still.
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World’s Luckiest Tow Truck Driver
And here in Northern Norway, we get a glimpse into the life of the world’s luckiest Tow Truck driver, although I’d have to say… if he were really lucky, he wouldn’t live in cold-as-a-motherfucker Norway. Also, apparently the semi-truck driver wasn’t as quick to bail, but the tow truck guys insane luck must have rubbed off on him, since reports say he’s gonna be fine.
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Kitten is Afraid of Vaccum
Ever see an animal do something that is cartoonishly adorable? Watch this cat’s reaction to the vacuum cleaner. It’s so goddamn cute you wanna puke.
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Awesome Surprise Homecoming for Sailor’s Grandmother
This sailor is coming home for the first time in something like 8 months and sneaks into a picture while his grandmother isn’t looking. Very cute.
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